The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
