Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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