stop calling my apartment porn island.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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