I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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