Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
