What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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