the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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