just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
