if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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