Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
