then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
