And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
