can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
