also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
