Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
