so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
