why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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