I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
do nipples grow back?
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