Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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