OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
