when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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