Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's like iHOP with fire
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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