I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
