i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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