He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
