I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
