my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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