He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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