idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
