battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
