Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
