I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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