sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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