well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
