okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
