Will you blow on my dice?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
