Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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