In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
