I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
