she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
