I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
