Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
babies were throwing up all over the place
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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