No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
