...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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