mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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