the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As shirtless as possible
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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