She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
