yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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