I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
