i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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